Every time I mention the topic of emotional intelligence to someone, I hear something in response akin to: “That is sooo interesting,” or “What a fascinating topic!”. And I wholeheartedly agree. But, the danger with this fascinating topic is that, without a concrete path to apply it, it remains just that – an interesting concept that one isn’t quite sure what to do with. I remember when I was first learning about EQ I struggled to get my head around what it really was. It took some study and personal exploration – eventually leading to certification and now, Master Trainer designation. So, my journey with EQ has evolved, but one thing remains – it is universally applicable and highly personal at the same time. That’s the beauty of it.
Where does one start with bringing this concept down to earth? It starts with understanding oneself – developing an awareness and mindfulness of your own emotions without either getting hijacked by them or ignoring them as inconsequential. Emotions are the guideposts to our decision-making, so understanding how we feel is key to making good decisions that we’re satisfied with and that work for all involved. Freud described self-awareness as having an “evenly hovering attention” while we watch our self feel and act. It’s monitoring what’s going on in a dispassionate, somewhat detached way.
Start practicing this mindfulness whenever you feel an emotion welling up. Let the feeling play out inside, trying not to get caught up in it – just watch, taking mental notes of what’s happening internally. Look for patterns and triggers. As you do, you’ll be building the foundational competency of emotional intelligence: self-awareness. It’s the first step in building a real relationship with yourself.
